Should You Date Your Roommate?

If you are thinking about dating your roommate, think really hard about it. It is a big step. My advice: in most circumstances you should not date your roommate.

Consider the impact on other roommates

If you have other roommates, you should not date your roommate, especially if another  roommate is also interested in you. The situation could cause tension in the house and make your other roommate feel like a third wheel when you hang out. If you keep your relationship a secret from your other roommates, they might find out and think they can’t trust you. When you hide a relationship from them, they will suspect that you might hide also something else.

Consider what happens if you break up

If you break up you will ruin the harmony in your house. Is it worth potentially losing your friendship with the other roommates? Even worse, if you have a bad break up, you or your roommate will have to find a new place to live. Are you prepared to go through the hassle of moving?

No escape from the relationship

Thinks what it is like to live with your roommate now. By dating you have just complicated your relationship a lot. What if you get into an argument and you need a break? You will have to leave the house to cool off. Any time you want to have friends over, you have to talk with the roommate about it because you have to combine your schedules. You have to find out if they want company or want to come along when you go out. It isn’t really easy to do anything without your roommate knowing. For example, if you wanted to plan a surprise for them it would be difficult. How could you hide something from them when you see them constantly?

Not being able to have a break from the relationship is the most serious consideration you should think about. You have to consider if you are ready to include them in most details of your life.  If you think you can’t, then the relationship with your roommate is not going to work out.

Must get along with roommate’s friends

What if some of your roommate’s friends are annoying? Your roommate will still expect you to hang out with them when they come over. You will have to make plans when you hear that they are coming over, in order to avoid any awkward situations. They may also feel that because you live with their friend, you should be their friend, too. If you can’t handle all the extra contact with your roommate’s friends and family, it is not a good idea to date your roommate.

Maybe OK if you are long-term roommates

If you have weighed all the pros and cons and you have lived with your roommate for longer than a year, it might be okay to date them. If you guys are good friends and you have maintained separate social lives, then try it out. You want to make sure that you are not losing yourself to be a couple. You want to keep a separate identity, and keep your expenses separate.

Better to wait until you move out

If you are about to move out, this would be a good time to ask your roommate out. This way you won’t have to spend so much time together. It is a better idea to take it slow in the beginning, and living in separate places will make it easier.


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Author My First Apartment

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Dana Kearney was born and raised in Oakland, Ca. and graduated from UC Davis. After moving away from home, Dana has lived in dorms, in a co-op, in apartments and more apartments. She spends her free time writing, reading, and designing clothes.

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