How to tell your roommate his girlfriend is a problem

Calling all you relationship experts! Our friend Matthew has raised a common problem and asks you to put on your Judge Judy robes again. Here’s Matt’s email. (And thanks for the nice words about our site.)

“Hey, first off, I just want to say I love this site and it helped a great deal during my search for an apartment (my roommate and I found a nice 2-bedroom in Astoria, Queens, New York). It really made it easier and not scary.

Anyway, I was thinking a good topic for an entry should be about the girlfriend/boyfriend of a roommate overstaying their welcome. My current roommate is single, but I’ve experienced this problem with another roommate and I think it’s a decent subject to talk about. For example, in college one of my roommate’s girlfriends basically lived in our small place, making it that much more cramped. She had her own place, but never stayed there because she was either A) in love that much or B) considered our place her “get away” from her own annoying roommates/living conditions. It was obviously B.

It was tough to approach my roommate about this because, after all, it was his lady love. I never said anything (I should have) and it sucked. She got up at 7:00am every morning and watched TV loud, she dyed her hair in my bathroom causing my eye to swell up from an allergic reaction and basically was a girl in a guy’s apartment, making privacy difficult. She really treated it like a vacation home,where rules didn’t apply.

I’ve talked to people and some have had the same problem with a girlfriend/boyfriend “moving” in. I use quotations because they keep all of their clothes/items/computer at their actual place – they just sleep, eat, watch TV, and hang out 24/7 at their significant others’. What is the best way an annoyed roommate can approach that without offending?”

Author My First Apartment

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Comments (109)

  1. Audra Audra

    Hi Sam,

    It definitely sounds like you’ve got a tough situation on your hands. One thing that we here at My First Apartment considered when we first read your comment is whether or not your fiancee’s roommate might be retaliating because you moved in and are the significant other in his roommates life. Did you guys have a good talk before you moved in with your fiancee and his roommate? Did you guys talk out ground rules — such as what would and would not be okay? We aren’t sure of all the details on that end, but it’s definitely something to consider that he might feel that he can use the space to entertain his female guests just as much as your fiancee uses the space for time with you. Also, is having girlfriends over something new for him or was this something that he often did when it was just your fiancee and him? He might just be continuing with habits he’d always had before you moved in and it was just the guys.

    That said, it sounds like to us that you and your fiancee need to talk out this issue together and come to an agreement AND then together sit down with the roommate and address your concerns. If you and your fiancee aren’t on the same page, then we don’t think the roommate will take anything you personally have to say as seriously. The roommate needs to realize that it’s a problem for both of you. It’s never too late to talk about ground rules, so we think now is the time to do it. However, we don’t suggest approaching it like you guys want to sit down and just complain about all the annoying things he’s done — make it clear that you guys want to hear his concerns and issues too. Maybe even have this conversation over pizza or something so it’s not so intense. If you guys can’t come to a compromise, it might just be time to start looking for place of your own.

    Hope this helps!

    Audra & The My First Apartment Team

    Reply
  2. Sam

    Hello.
    On May 17th, I moved to West Virginia to live with my fiance and his roommate. Things seemed to go okay until the roommate brought a girl over to stay the night and allowed her to stay at the house while everyone was at work. This made me very uncomfortable, and I voiced my concern a few days later to my roommate who seemed to not be bothered. A week or so later, he started seeing another girl, and immediately had her stay overnight. He asked us the first night she stayed if he could borrow a pillow for her. I angrily said no, she was his responsibility since she was his guest. My fiance lamented and allowed him to use one of his pillows (which caused a very long disagreement between us). This continued for two visits until I told him I would not be letting him use our pillows anymore and that he needed to make accommodations for her since she is his guest. He finally made her bring her own pillows. Our roommate has also decided that instead of bringing any issues he has woth me to my attention that he should vent to my fiance… which never goes over well, hearing something about myself second hand. Anyways, the last month or so, my roommate’s girlfriend has been staying over more and more, making it almost impossible for my fiance and I to spend time in the livingroom watching movies or playing games because they monopolize the area. They always come in and turn a movie on, always very loud, and talk until we turn our tv off or go to our room. We feel like strangers in our own home. I don’t think the way we are being treated is fair, not to mention the fact that she will have stayed 5 days in the last week. She has used our internet, our water, our electricity, she is loud and obnoxious, and I am just sick of both of them. We can’t talk to our roommate about his behavior because it goes in one ear and out the other. He is very selfish and self concerned. What can we do? My fiance and roommate went to school together and they were great friends, but this is all getting out of hand. I am tired of our roommate being rude and inconsiderate and constantly taking advantage of my fiance’s good nature (he laid out of work last week and told my fiance that he HAD to take his girlfriend to pick up her car since he drove her here).
    Can someone give me some advice be for I end up having an emotional blowup?

    Reply
    • Audra Audra

      Hi Sam,

      It definitely sounds like you’ve got a tough situation on your hands. One thing that we here at My First Apartment considered when we first read your comment is whether or not your fiancee’s roommate might be retaliating because you moved in and are the significant other in his roommates life. Did you guys have a good talk before you moved in with your fiancee and his roommate? Did you guys talk out ground rules — such as what would and would not be okay? We aren’t sure of all the details on that end, but it’s definitely something to consider that he might feel that he can use the space to entertain his female guests just as much as your fiancee uses the space for time with you. Also, is having girlfriends over something new for him or was this something that he often did when it was just your fiancee and him? He might just be continuing with habits he’d always had before you moved in and it was just the guys.

      That said, it sounds like to us that you and your fiancee need to talk out this issue together and come to an agreement AND then together sit down with the roommate and address your concerns. If you and your fiancee aren’t on the same page, then we don’t think the roommate will take anything you personally have to say as seriously. The roommate needs to realize that it’s a problem for both of you. It’s never too late to talk about ground rules, so we think now is the time to do it. However, we don’t suggest approaching it like you guys want to sit down and just complain about all the annoying things he’s done — make it clear that you guys want to hear his concerns and issues too. Maybe even have this conversation over pizza or something so it’s not so intense. If you guys can’t come to a compromise, it might just be time to start looking for place of your own.

      Hope this helps!

      Audra & The My First Apartment Team

      Reply
  3. Cathi

    Roommates girlfriend lives in the sorority, so no chance they can split their time going there. So GF comes to our apartment most nights/days. And now is leaving her bathroom stuff, asking me when I’ll be doing my dishes, and will I be home for Valentines Day because she’d rather I wasn’t there….HELP!

    Reply
    • Alex Alex

      Hi Cathi,

      It sounds like you need to take back your space. Remember that just because your roommate’s girlfriend can’t host your roommate, that doesn’t mean she has carte blanche to crash at your place. Remind your roommate (and his girlfriend) of this — and remind them that you have a right to expect privacy and freedom in your own apartment. It’s not appropriate to kick you out on Valentine’s Day, nor for your roommate’s girlfriend to ask when your doing your own dishes.

      Suggest that his girlfriend only crashes one or two nights a week. If they are uncomfortable with this, or say they need to see each other every night, remind them (politely but firmly) that each of them could take measures to change their living situation, so that they can host each other more readily. She could move out of her sorority, he could give notice at your place and find himself a nice studio. While they might find their current living situations inconvenient for stay-overs, there’s no reason you should be the one to suffer.

      Best of luck!

      Reply
  4. Kitta

    Alex…
    I’ve spoken to her hundreds of times it’s got to the point
    Where we don’t talk anymore
    It’s stressing me out…
    We don’t sit in the same room anymore
    Let alone talk to each other!!
    She was my best friend for 2 years now
    But it’s all about him now
    It wouldn’t be a problem if he worked and paid
    Abit tho wards the home but he doesn’t
    Everything is in my name
    When the receipt gets printed off it’s in my name
    I don’t wanna kick her out just want him gone!!!

    Reply
  5. Kitta

    I have just moved in with my best mate and everything was sound at first …
    This when it all kicks off!!! Her boyfriend has pretty much moved him self in
    Without even talking to me he doesn’t work he hasn’t even been trying
    To get a job he DOESNT pay rent or nothing towards the flat
    He makes a mess he smokes in the flat when there isn’t ment to be
    Anyone smoking in there as my boyfriend is a non smoker
    I kept to that rule. My boyfriend doesn’t stay ova as he doesn’t live in the island…
    He has no money what so ever just sits in the house all day playing
    On the play station witch he brought around without me knowing!!!
    Our electric only lasts about 4 days no!!
    I work shifts so I bring in an okay wage but how is it fair that I work 15 hour shifts for him to
    Sit and do nothing and expects everything!!
    He’s used my razor used all my shower gel
    I’m going out my mind.
    I’ve spoken to both of them and they don’t see a problem
    Please pleae help me!!!

    Reply
    • Alex Alex

      Hi Kitta,

      This is indeed an unfortunate situation. First, I would talk with your roommate again. If nothing changes within a week, develop a plan. Check your lease and see who is responsible for making rent payments (in other words, each of you equally, just one of you, or only the one who is still living there) and see what your management company permits as far as subletters. Then start looking for a subletter (and tell your roommate your intention) and begin searching for a new place/roommate. It may seem like a pain (and, yes, it’s not fair that *you* may be the one to move out), but in the long run, you’ll thank yourself.

      Reply
  6. Admin

    Hi Confused and Nervous,
    Here’s another way to approach the situation. Why don’t you try to agree to a reasonable number of guest overnights a month for each. That way you both can have your SO’s over without damaging your roommate relationship.

    Reply
  7. ConfusedAndNervous

    I’ve read through a few of the comments to see if anyone is in the exact same boat as me but I’m not seeing it….

    My roommate has recently found himself a girl. Although he claims that they aren’t seeing each other, she is over at our apartment most every night. She typically will spend the night 4 or 5 times a week and on nights she doesn’t stay over she doesn’t leave until 2 or 3 in the morning.

    I don’t mind her being over, but I feel very unwelcomed in my own home when she is there. (I’m not sure if she feels threatened by me or what -by the way, I’m a female and my roommate is male but we are more like brother and sister than anything) She is constantly eating whatever we have in the kitchen but never contributes to keeping food in the kitchen. It would be one thing if my roommate was helping to pick-up the price of her food cravings but he hasn’t. She also dominates our tv and forces me to watch anything I want on my laptop while claiming “she can’t watch this online” -typically she is watching netflix :(….

    I am very unsure how to approach my roommate about the situation though. This is because I am currently in a long distance relationship myself, and when my SO is able to visit, he is typically there for multiple days at a time. Currently, my roommate has no problem with this but I’m worried that saying something about his girl will prevent me from being able to have my boyfriend come to town and visit.

    Any advice you can throw my way would be super helpful

    Reply
    • Alex Alex

      Hi Confused and Nervous,

      The problem is more straightforward than you think. Having a long-term, long-distance Significant Other visit for a few days every once in a while, is far, far different than having a girlfriend stay 4-5 nights a week at your place *every* week, particularly if she is dominating the television and eating your food. From what you describe, she’s not being considerate and she’s staying over too often. You absolutely must talk with your roommate. Explain that you need to feel comfortable in your own home and that the current set-up needs to change. First suggest that your roommate go to his girlfriend’s place at least half the time, then point out that she’s not paying her share of the food expenses, and also note that you need to be able to watch television comfortably in your own apartment. If your roommate isn’t responsive and the situation doesn’t change, consider moving out.

      Reply
  8. Donewithdrama

    Hey I’m glad I found this. I’m in a similar situation but I’m the other girlfriend.

    So I had moved around a lot because of ridiculous family situations so when I ended up staying at my boyfriends house a lot. His dad at the time ended up offering me to stay if I paid a rent every month which was reasonable. It sucked at the time but everything is sorted out now and it works great.

    Now it’s my boyfriends brothers girlfriend who is older than me mind you. Has a job gas an education and does nothing with it. But she’s gotten used to coming over and staying a lot to get away from her issues she makes that known. But it’s the constant staying over and expecting things that’s just overkill. The dad has his own place now so he’s out of the picture.

    Buy it’s also disheartening when my boyfriend and his brother have grown apart over the years and when she’s around him her and his brothers rudely disrespect my boyfriend. And she gets treated like royalty. She’s very obnoxious and loud when they hang out especially when I got work in the morning. Even when I ask politely to keep quiet.

    The last time she came over his brother went off the deep end complaining we don’t clean up. When we do we were just out the last couple of days. Me working pretty much full time. I do my part and organized the stuff for someone to put away. Who was home the most during those days his brother. So if anything he could have done it. But the point is not to blame but that we all could be doing better.

    The last we brought thus up fists, choking, and things were broken so talking is impossible. Especially when the girlfriend thinks it’s her business to get between their arguments. I stay out unless someone is dying. But she gets involved in their business.

    I didn’t mind her before but this is getting ridiculous since I’m paying and she gets away with it. Did I mention we are all in our twenties.

    And I don’t know what to do, I’m not getting my family involved (another story) and. My boyfriend doesn’t think it’s that bad and wants to stay put for life.

    I don’t see that especially since his brother and his girlfriend don’t look like their gonna do anything anytime soon.

    So now what?

    DonewithDrama

    Reply
    • Alex Alex

      Dear DonewithDrama,

      You’ve had a tough family situation and your boyfriend is uninterested in change. Unfortunately, this means you need to work hard to take care of yourself. Since you’re already paying rent now, you’re likely in a financial position to move out. Have you considered this? Perhaps find a studio to yourself, or a share with a stable roommate. This would help you get perspective and escape the disfunction. And I do mean disfunction — your current living situation does not sound healthy.

      Reply
  9. Itried

    Before my roommate got a girlfriend we had a pretty good relationship. He was clean, considerate, and helped out around the house.

    After getting with her, everything just about stopped. For the last three months I’ve had to repeatedly ask him to do simple things around the house like take out the trash (he now just piles the trash around the garbage can). In fact for the last three months his girlfriend has been our second topic of conversation outside of him helping out.

    His girlfriend, who I could care less for, has gotten comfortable at our place but has yet to contribute anything. She has t been my favorite since the first time I met her after he asked for a tampon for her at 4 in the morning especially since I didn’t respond until 7 that day. (Not to mention we have a 24hr Walgreens just a 5 minute drive away). But being the person I am, I have her two super tampons and sent her on her merry way! BIG MISTAKE! Since then she’s asked me for all kinds of stuff from hair brushes to nail polish and even lotion.

    Lately she’s been over the house 3-4 times a week. Usually she spends the weekend there which I’m cool with since those are my roommates days off but it annoying when she comes by during the week because she will be there on the weekend too and she will make herself at home.

    To make matters worse the girl likes to walk around at times with nothing but her panties and a few shirt or sometimes with just a tee and nothing under. I may be a woman but I do NOT want to see anyone else’s female parts.

    It’s been really uncomfortable considering she’s a little insecure and doesn’t like the thought of him having a female roommate although I do not want him at all. She tends to give me attitude or disrespectfully not acknowledge me when I’m there.

    As far as my roommate goes, he’s so love struck that anytime I talk to him about it he gets defensive or makes excuses for her behavior.

    Recently I had to ask her to leave after repeatedly asking my roommate not to leave anyone in the house when we aren’t there do to a number of reasons. It makes me really uncomfortable especially when he leaves her there. After doing so, politely, and giving her ample time to her dressed she took to twitter to call me profane names and insinuate that I wanted to do things with her man. Everything that I felt about her seemed to be true.

    Yet again he made excuses for her behavior and blamed me for the situation. I’m not even sure why she stays… There is nothing for her to do in out house. We don’t even have cable but I’m guessing its to let me know she’s there which she seems to like to do. (I forgot to mention she like to come in loud and boisterous at 1 or 2 am on weekdays. I’m not sure what to do about them though, I’ve tried talking to my roommate but I’ve been falling on def ears. He seems to think since he pays rent as well he can do whatever he pleases. Oh and he claims he’s the man of the house! Ha!

    Help!!!

    Reply
    • Alex Alex

      Dear I Tried,

      Usually we recommend sitting down with the roommate and talking through your problems — but it sounds like you’ve already tried that. I would say, give talking it through one more go, but simultaneously start looking for new places to live. Tell your roommate that you’re serious about moving out if things don’t change. Give he and his girlfriend a week, and if nothing changes, give your notice and plan to live elsewhere. Yes, it’s not fair that you may have to leave when you weren’t the problem … but it’s also true that if you do move out, you’re almost certain to find a much better situation for yourself. At this point, you need to look out for number one.

      Alex

      Reply
  10. Upsetandfrustrated

    Hi alex,
    Im so glad i came across this as i have no idea what to do!
    So my bf and i have been together 3 years and have a place of our own, we also have our bestfriend as our housemate. We have all lived together for 2 years and our housemate has been single for most of it with the occasional dates. We are all very close and have had no problems living with each other until now.

    He has started dating a girl now for the past 5 weeks and its already horrible! She stays over from thurs – monday! He doesnt ask us, he simply tells us 5 mins before she gets here. She doesnt and has never offered to help with any of the choresand helps herself to food and coffees! She also rocks up at 1am after her shift to simply sleep the night.

    Now her personality isnt much better, she says she has violent anger fits when she is stressed out, she doesnt sleep and she talks like a baby even tho shes 25! She only talks about herself and if you talk she stares out into space and does not pay attention. So making an effort to get to know her is challenging.

    I dont know what to do or how to speak to my house mate about this. I have spoken to my bf but he doesnt want to say anything incase we come off sounding like parents. Please help this situation is so upsetting.

    Reply
    • Alex Alex

      Dear Upset and Frustrated,

      This does sound like a nightmare scenario, particularly since you and your BF had been getting along so well with your bestfriend housemate previously. It sounds like you’re dreading talking with him, but that’s just what you need to do. Here’s how: focus on the frequency with which his girlfriend comes over, the fact that she does not do any chores, and that she eats food and drinks coffee without asking. Leave her personality out of it. Frame the discussion as follows: “Hi Bestfriend-housemate, it’s great that you have a girlfriend; we’re happy for you. But it seems that she’s become a fourth roommate without your intending it … she’s welcome to come over, of course, but since the space was designed for three we just want to make sure she’s helping out, and we also don’t know that it’s appropriate that she comes over for a long weekend every weekend.” Among other things, suggest that your housemate go to her place every other weekend. Your housemate likely won’t be happy about it (and he may accuse you of being parental), but you’ll have got the ball rolling. Until you start talking with him, the situation’s not going to improve.

      Reply
  11. Bubble_gum

    Hi all,

    I guess I am at the other side of this conversation, I am “the” gilfriend lol. I actually feel bad for being over at my boyfriends house a lot, but I live in a room the size of a closet.. so it just isnt good enough to “hang-out”.

    The situtation is like this: my boyfriend, his good friend and another guy have leased a house together 12 months ago. I stay over maybe 3 times a week, but sometimes it is more than that.

    I dont eat anyones food (I buy my own and cook dinner for everyone), I make sure when I shower in the mornings I am not getting in the way, I clean up after myself and most of the time I come over really late and they are all going to sleep (not to interrupt their hang-out time).

    I am a bit paranoid about my boyfriends good friend as he makes comments how I am always over. He is a bit dramatic as he is the only single guy in the house and is desperately looking for a gf. When he was dating a girl she was over 5 nights in a row and no one was bothered, so in a way he can be hypocritical. Anyways, I dont think I get in anyones way, I even stay in my bf’s room working on the computer while he is out with his friend in the back playing ball or whatever. When I cook I always make enough food for everyone, and vice versa.

    My questions are:

    a) Am I being too much?Since my boyfriends close friend is making comments about me always being over, and
    b) should I cool it off a bit? (although my bf will probably get upset as he is the main instigator behind me staying over so much)

    Thanks :)

    Reply
    • Alex Alex

      Hello Bubble,

      It sounds like you’re being a respectful guest. You’ll note that many people on this thread are annoyed by Significant Others who take over the shared space, never clean up, always hog the bathroom, and eat everyone’s food. Based on what you’re describing, it sounds like you do none of these things, and are conscientious of others. Also, three nights a week is a lot, but not ridiculous.

      So: no, I don’t think you’re being “too much,” but it may be prudent to talk to the roommate who’s made the comments, and explain that you want to be respectful (… and point out that you make him dinner!) and ask if they’re something you can do — explain what you’ve explained here, and ask if he disagrees with your assessment that you’re careful to be a good guest. Likely, this will nip the problem in the bud, and the friend will be glad to have been acknowledged.

      Alex

      Reply
  12. uncomfortable

    How about this one –

    I recently moved in with my good friend of 15 years and everything was going well. It was a much better atmosphere than my previous house where my two housemates ended up becoming a couple – they were still great people and I lived there 2 years, I just felt like a less complicated housemate environment.

    2 months after we move in, my housemate tells me she is seeing my (twin) brother. They are well suited, and as a sister and friend I don’t have a huge problem with it, I just don’t want to live in the same house as her while it develops and put such a big strain on our very old friendship. We’re locked into the house lease for a year and I’m pretty uncomfortable – but I do want them to work out.

    I don’t want to live with her if she’s dating my brother but I don’t want to be the one to move out of our awesome house and leave our other housemate. I want to speak up but don’t want to put pressure on their relationship (this must be awkward for them too) or our friendship. If I do decide to move out to give them space and perhaps better preserve our friendship, I can’t escape this relationship at my family home either – my brother is moving there.

    I just want to give them space and get space from them. I’m not sure whether I should be the one to make the sacrifice of moving out, even though perhaps I have the problem.

    Thoughts? Maybe I’m overreacting but this sure is awkward and emotionally I’m a lot less okay with it than I thought I would be.

    Reply
    • Alex Alex

      Hi Uncomfortable,

      It sounds like you’re doing a great job thinking through the ramifications of what’s developing — and you’re avoiding a huge blow-up, or doing something that everyone might regret later. I don’t think anyone is a “problem” in this situation, but you’re right that it might be easier for you if you weren’t there as the romance is happening. I would say you should discretely discuss it with your housemate — explain that you’re happy for her, but also a little bit uncomfortable, and ask if she has any thoughts. Who knows … she might feel equally awkward about the living situation. If everyone’s calm and respectful, you can likely work out a solution … whether it’s you moving out, your roommate moving out, or your brother and roommate agreeing to spend more time away from the home.

      Good luck!

      Alex

      Reply
  13. meccahi

    I’m so glad I found this site. I’m living in a similar situation, and I’m not sure how to deal with it. Sad thing is, my roommate isn’t some college kid..he’s a 55 year old man. When I moved in, I told him that I was not ok with alcoholics or drug addicts ( turns out, he’s been the latter, and is currently the former). Getting drunk almost every night, blaring music at 3am, leaving messes, and not cleaning up after himself.
    Well, now he’s found himself a girlfriend ( from the bar of course!). She’s been over, and spent the night..ever.Single.Day. I asked him after day 4 if she was living here and he said no.. but so far that doesn’t seem to be the case. She’s over every single day, sleeps over every night, and is here when he goes to work. She says she has a job, but I have yet to see her actually GO to it.
    I think she’s a nice enough person, but I work from home, and value my quiet time AND my privacy. Having some random person I don’t really know here while he’s gone is just awkward. I’m finding it extremely rude that roommate has pretty much just moved her in without even talking to me about it. When I tried bringing it up to him he said that she had her own house and babbled about how big it was. That’s great, roommate. Then why doesn’t she GO HOME!
    I can’t afford to move out.. but this is frustrating me to no end. I pay my half of rent and utilities. I’m not here to pay someone else’s way.

    Reply
  14. Nightshift medic

    My situation is a lot like everyone else’s, a girlfriend overstaying her welcome, with a couple different problems.
    One of roommates is my best friend, and has been since highschool. We’ve always been very open about things, rarely got into arguments, and got along great with all his other girlfriends. The primary reason I moved out of my place I was renting was to help my friend out because one of his roommates moved out and left them without that month’s rent and they wouldn’t be able to afford the next month’s rent, thus forcing them to move. Above all I like the place, and it’s location. Everything has been fine until he met his latest girl. They’ve been together for about 1.5 years now and I’m convinced the only reason she pays for her own apartment, is for it’s closet. She literally gets off work, goes to her own place, gets new clothes, and comes over to my place and waits for my roommate to get home because she knows where we hide our spare key. She then stays the night, gets up about the time I get off shift at the hospital (I work 12hr nightshifts) and uses our only bathroom with my roommate for about an hour. If I don’t use the bathroom at work before I get off, I usually have to go to the restaurant down the street just to use a toilet. I hate doing this. I’ve tried knocking on the door and asking them to finish, but that doesn’t speed her up at all. Then I go to watch one of my shows I have recorded and they’re cuddled on the couch watching their show. One morning I got home after work and found her car parked in my spot, which I was going to let slide, but then I wanted to take a shower only to find all the hotwater was gone…for the first time in more years than I can remember I lost my temper and had a heated argument with my roommate, which didn’t accomplish anything except strain our relationship. His argument is that the rent is the same regardless of how much water/power/etc is used. The bottom line is I don’t feel like me and my roommate are the friends we used to be, and I don’t have any “Me time” at my own house. Just being home and having to share the house with her makes me on edge and continuously upset. It used to work out great because my roommate would be headed to work about the time I head to bed, and home after I’ve gone to work, but now she just stays at our place until she goes to work with the tv going and noise I don’t care for while I’m trying to sleep.
    I’m trying to find a time when I can talk to my roommate without her around, but she is obsessed with him because he is “out of her league” (and my roommate has even told me this). He’s mentioned liking his own “me time”, but hasn’t done anything about it either.
    It also makes it hard to invite other friends over because I know the roommate and/or his girl with be there taking up all the amenities.
    I could probably write a novel on all this but I’ll stop here. All this will hopefully come to a close in the near future because my roommate and I are going to go out soon, maybe play some pool, and have a good neutral talk over the matter. I’m fine with moving out, I just wanna make sure our friendship doesn’t move out too so to speak.

    Thanks for allowing me to rant,
    -medic

    Reply
    • Alex Alex

      Hi Medic,

      No problem; we’re all ears. It sounds like you have the situation fairly well under control — that said, if your talk doesn’t create action, stick to your plan to move out. Everyone needs their own “me time” … and if moving out is what it takes to get it, that’s what you need to do.

      Alex

      Reply
  15. philly

    Thank you Alex for your response.I should have known something was up when we got the apartment my brother and his girlfriend came up to me and ask was it ok if she still came over. I was thinking you know after the work week maybe weekends or maybe a couple times out of seven days….guess not. Like i said earlier it has been 4 months and counting i even had to ask my mother what to do because it is hard talking to my brother he is the eldest of us hard to believe i know. My mother said she will talk to his girlfriend and she left 02/09/2013 and came back 02/11/2013 and my brother also left with her which he was not supposed to because where she live only the people that is on the contract can be there. so if he get caught there he can get put off premises or arrested. she can lose her apartment and then she will be back for good. catch 22 i know i’m just going to downplay it until my lease is up and move my wife and I out of town.

    Reply
  16. philly

    my brother moved in with my wife and I. now we share a two bedroom apartment. When he moved in a couple days later his girlfriend and her son started coming over and never went home not even once it has been 4 months. she has her own 2 bedroom apartment no roommate and she drinks a lot. when she drinks she is up all night banging stuff around looking for cloths and junk mail to shred. Washes dishes that still has food stuck on them when i take them out the cabinets.where she lives close to her sons school so by her being drunk and hungover at my house her son misses school.so now he is around the house messing with toothpaste and trying to cook his own food and he is only seven and is allowed to do whatever he wants if she is sleep or not.

    Reply
    • Alex Alex

      Hi Philly,

      This is a serious problem. First and foremost, you should not tolerate your brother and his girlfriend’s behavior. This is your apartment; if she has an apartment of her own, she needs to live there. Second, based on what you’ve described with the 7-year-old, it sounds as if you should call Child Protective Services, or some sort of social service agency. A 7-year-old should not be left to his own devices as you describe, nor should he be missing school because his mother is too drunk/hungover to take him. You need to stand up for yourself and for the child.

      Reply
  17. Billy

    Jeez, it is nice to see that other people out there have situations similar to mine. I moved in with a friend from high school, we are both 23 now, this year. He has had the same girlfriend since high school, and I was friends with her so I thought it would be cool. I had no idea what I was in store for.
    This girl would not know what to do if she was away from her boyfriend for more than a day. Since we have moved in, she has only not slept at out house 8 times. She will hang out here waiting for him to get home watching t.v or working on projects for her classes that take up the whole living room.
    It is starting to sketch me out a little bit, though. She may be unhealthily obsessed with him. She live about 3/4 of a mile away, but will never go home. Her computer broke and, while her roommate has an extra computer, she has to use her boyfriends because she has stuff saved on it (umm email it to yourself?). It is to the point where she finds reasons to be in the same room with him at all times. I have even walked past his room while he was taking a shit with the door open, as guys will do, and she will be sitting on the bathroom floor infront of him talking.
    A few weeks ago, my roommate was out at a school sponsored event and did not have his phone on him. He did not answer his gf’s calls. So, what does she do? wait for him to call her back like a normal person? NO. She used the key that he gave her, that was initially our hidden key incase we were locked out, to come over while we were both gone and destroy his room. She took all his drawers out of his dresser, put his pillows and clothes in the bathtub with the water on, and even dragged his mattress outside.
    Should I be scared? Someone please offer some advice.

    Reply
    • Alex Alex

      Hi Billy,

      The short answer is that, yes, this is a serious problem — based on the actions you describe, I don’t think there’s any question that your roommate’s girlfriend is unhealthily dependent and controlling. As a roommate, you’re obviously in the path of a destructive relationship.

      My advice would be to have a talk with your roommate. Help him recognize that his girlfriend has serious issues that need to be addressed, and encourage him to talk with her about them. Ideally, she would see a counselor/psychiatrist regularly and begin to overcome these issues. Among other things, she should be encouraged to develop interests aside from your roommate, there should be limits on how often they see each other, and she should begin building her own life. The issues she’s having are not just unsettling — it sounds like a serious mental health problem that needs to be addressed.

      That said, addressing it may or may not be successful, and will likely turn out to be messy. So, if you lease is up soon, I would not renew: politely explain to your friend that you’re planning on living elsewhere for the next year and get a studio or find a different roommate in a different apartment. After all, there’s no reason you need to be in the middle of what will likely be a chaotic and stress-inducing situation — you’re just an innocent bystander.

      Best of luck.

      Reply
  18. Dawn

    I am looking for an objective opinion. I have very limited experience with roomates. About a year and a half ago a relative of a friend of mind was being evicted from his apartment and I felt bad for them and I had an extra bedroom so I offered to let him (and his cat) stay with me so he could get back on his feet. I never busted his chops about money at all and in fact, in the entire time he has been staying with me, he has never paid me more than 25% of the monthly rent per month (nothing for utilities, internet, etc). About two months ago he told me he was seeing someone (he knew that I knew the girl and he originally lied to me about who it was. Anyway, I told him point blank that I have known her for several years, didn’t care much for her, and that she actually wasn’t even very nice to me. I told him I would make an effort to get along with her because of our friendship. She started out staying over a couple of night a week (he assured me that they were no where ready yet to live together and I didn’t need to worry about her being there every night). Guess what. She has stayed over for the last six nights. I am beside myself and am wondering if I am being unreasonable. He is actually acting like I am doing something wrong by not wanting to feel uncomfortable in the apartment that I pay for (he contributed about 25% of the rent this month). Any advice???

    Reply
    • Alex Alex

      Hi Dawn,

      It sounds like you need to sit down with your “friend” and have a talk. He’s taking advantage of you: you did him a favor by providing him lodging until he got back on his feet. Now, a year and a half later (!!), he’s still there, and he doesn’t pay his far share of expenses. Now, even worse, he’s taking over the place. You need to tell him that he’s no longer welcome to live in the apartment, and set up a timeline for his exit. Give him two months to find a new place, and get it in writing. Talk about the situation to the friend to whom he’s related, as well as your friends, so there’s social pressure for him to leave. (If necessary, you may also need to consult with a lawyer and/or your landlord if he resists moving out.) Also, start putting up ads for a share and show his room, since you’ll want someone (who pays their full share of rent) to take his place.

      It sounds like you’ve been letting him trample all over you for a while now — be firm with him and keep *your* best interests in mind.

      Reply
  19. Brenda

    My story is I’ve been together with my boyfriend for about 4 to 5 years and I moved up to Washington from Idaho last year. So my boyfriend convinced me to move with him and his friend apt thinking we would have an easy time for the time being just by renting out an extra room he had. So we were discussing it more and it would only be temporary and I gave in. I didn’t know that the guy is an alcoholic and likes to drink himself to sleep every night and I have to tolerate his drunk behavior. The guy is so ignorant and possessive over our things because he pays for some of the utilities. I got a job but they only offered a part time so I took it since it’s close by the apt. Anyways I pay for my part of the food, utilities, rent, toiletries, kitchen supplies, laundry supplies, and, phone. We can’t afford to move out at all. I’ve just had enough with my boyfriend and his friend. It’s ruin our relationship and worst I got pregnant two months later after moving in and I am afraid of being a single parent at the age 21. Things can’t really get worse can it?

    Reply
    • Alex Alex

      Hi Brenda,

      I’m sorry to hear about this. It sounds like you’re in a very serious situation. If your parents are at all supportive, we would recommend talking with them, or else finding another experienced adult to talk with, or seeking the help of a counselor. Weigh all your options, stay strong, and keep your head up. Best of luck.

      Reply
    • Admin

      Hi Brenda,
      The baby changes everything, for you but also for your boyfriend. You both need to figure out how to get into a healthier living situation before the baby arrives. Would you be able to get a full time job, if you did not have to live close to that bad apartment? How about your boyfriend? Better paying jobs could allow you to move to someplace better. And have a heart to heart talk with that boyfriend of yours about your future together. Raising a baby is easier and more fun (yes, fun!) with two parents.
      I also agree with Alex that you should first look for support/advice from family or maybe a close older friend.
      Good luck with everything.

      Reply
  20. lizs

    so i turned 18 and moved out of my moms into a one bedroom and was there for 6 months and a friend of mine decided he wants to move out of his moms house so i move into a 2 bedroom for him so he can move out and six months into the move he decided his off and on girl who is 17 needs to move in and comes in my room and says hey my girl is gonna move in. doesnt ask says she is it is my apartment and my lease i am not ok with this me and her are not cool i tolorate her but we cool and today and asks when is our lease up. hunny it aint your lease you are here cause of my good graces and i am here to tell u will leave just as easly and just as blessed!

    Reply
  21. Andy

    I literally googled “girlfriends who overstay their welcome” and it led me to this beautiful site.

    I thought living with these two guys would be awesome, they seemed cool and I was getting along fine with them until one of my roommates got a girlfriend. A girl he met ONE DAY PRIOR, decided to sleepover the second day she knew my roommate. She then proceeded to sleepover for 31 days STRAIGHT. I would know because I counted. She is literally a USELESS sack of sh*t. She rarely cleans up after herself, uses all of our utilities, I find myself constantly tripping over her sh*t and makes no contribution to cleaning or paying any of the bills. Did I mention she has her own damn dorm? Yet, she uses our house for everything, EVEN HER LAUNDRY, she can freaking do it at her dorm! Oh and GET THIS, she parks her car in the driveway LIKE SHE PAYS RENT OR SOMETHING cause she’s too f****** cheap to buy a parking permit. I literally dream of throwing rocks at her car.

    TO MY MISTAKE, I thought it would all blow over and that they would break up, and guess what, it didn’t freaking happen! DO NOT SIT AROUND WAITING FOR THE PROBLEM TO FIX ITSELF. Take a proactive stance and deal with it right away.

    Reply
  22. irked

    How do you tell your brother, who still lives with you that his girlfriend is annoying. I’m pretty much in this situation. I know it’s my brother, and I know it’s his girlfriend, however, I just moved home from university from one super annoying roommate situation to this situation. She stays at my house all day while my brother is working. An example, she literally hasn’t left my house in a week. She slams everything in the house, the fridge, the cupboards the doors. When she’s here and my brother isn’t if she has to go out somewhere, she’ll leave the front door unlocked (which no one in my family does) just so she can get back into our house. Sometimes my brother gives her the key to our house so she can (come study) but she’ll come at 8 am, while I’m still sleeping, struggle to open the door because she can’t somehow wrap her brain around how a deadbolt works until I get so annoyed that I get up and open the door and then laughs about it. I literally spend all day in my room because I feel like I can’t be me in my own home and there’s no way I want to move back to my university house for the summer. Oh, I forgot to mention she has a 3 year old daughter which she clearly doesn’t see much of because she’s literally ALWAYS at my house.

    fml.

    Reply
  23. djMark

    This has been going on for 6 freaking months. One of my roommates who is as lame as a plank found his mule at some party and they hooked up. Ever since she’s been “living” in our house (4guys total) and all they do is watch tv and make food 24/7. Apparently she’s got her own place but she is at the house more than I am. The house isn’t that big and it’s just super awkward whenever you’re around her. She never talks! She eats all his food and its a guy house, so we should be cool with not having to worry about too much privacy, but not with her around. I play on the University men’s soccer team and she’s bigger than I am. I always know when she’s around cuz the house shakes. Someone please bake some cookies outside so she can smell them and leave this place!

    Reply
  24. chillPill

    I live with my best friend of 7 years and his gf who has become a mutual friend. Problem lies in the fact that 4 months ago they got back to gether after a 6 month breakup and now are trying to pretend that neither of them cheated on each other and are perfect angles until one or both get a hair up their ass and start fighting. He won’t “let” her move out and she is full of fake threats to move out.

    All of this causes major stress for me because he is my friend and i want to help him through this. Recently I have learned my advice is not wanted but they both fail to realize I still live here and have to deal with their fighting, awkward silence, rude comments and being lured into backstabbing conversations.

    I am at a lost, I do not know what to say or do. I don’t want to move out and I don’t want to lose him as a roommate. I just want her GONE or at least the drama to end. Any suggestions????

    Reply
  25. kyle

    im currently living in a dorm room with my roomate (kid looks like he is 12 years old but i still thought he was a pretty decent guy). Hes not a good looking person so i wasnt surprised that the first girl he brought over looked like a male donkey. basicly she started comming over more frequently which kina made me feel uncomfortable. I dont think there has been a day over the last two months that she hasnt been over the room at least for a few hours. It makes me cringe at how utterly whipped my roomate is for a girl that comes over every single day and smokes half of his weed and eats ALL of his food. the sad part is that it took him about 3 months of this along with selling his Xbox just to buy tickets to a hockey game she had no actual interest in being at to finaly get laid. (and trust me, no man with self worth would mount this beast) It makes me so incredibly uncomfortable when the two of them are “cuddling” in his bed while im 10 feet away. I can hear him talking like the biggest pussy in the world to her and literaly acts like a child. I understand that he is obsessed with her (even though i have no idea why), but i am at the point of snapping on either him or the both of them at the same time. I have made a few different indirect comments torwards him that she is ALWAYS over but apparently he doesnt have the mental capicity to understand the hint. Enough is enough, anyone who says that keeping quiet is the best idea dont know what they are talking about.

    Reply
  26. Evan

    I can so relate to these stories, and I really need to rant. I live in a dorm with one roommate, who is a nice guy though we don’t have anything in common nor do we ever hang out. His girlfriend lives two houses down, and has a room to herself. Yet she is over nearly every single night. It wouldn’t be a problem if they were normal respected that it’s my room too, but when they are together it is literally as if I was not in the room. They don’t actually make out or have sex, but it still is so uncomfortable since they always cuddle and smooch and talk cutesy to each other, it’s absolutely revolting.

    I have brought it up with him on multiple occasions that it is weird for me when they do that sort of stuff with me in the room, sitting literally 5 feet away. I also have asked that they spend more days over at her place, as she has a room all to herself. The first time I confronted him he agreed, but the very next night she was back. I quickly learned that she was wearing the pants in the relationship.

    The kicker is this- he actually proposed to her IN OUR BEDROOM. I walked in unknowingly two minutes after he actually popped the question, and had no idea what was going on. He had set up a table and chairs and dinner IN OUR DORM, didn’t tell me anything beforehand. I easily could have walked in just moments earlier and would have completely ruined the moment. Not that I would have cared. But seriously how lame of a proposal is that? And now that they’re engaged she’s over much more often. The semester is winding down so I’m just trying to survive this til the end.

    Reply
  27. Breaking point

    OMG. Had my best friend move into my place, cause I was getting a job that I’d be away a lot during the day. And I needed someone to take care of my dog, mostly. Perfect fit. Sure enough got laid off two weeks laid off and right around that time he found her. So in under 3 weeks after, she has 3 drawers in the dresser and half my bathroom is hers. So last week I tell me him so she’s gotta start paying. Shes here all day during the week, and sleeps over everynight. All wrapped up together on the couch. I honestly sit on the floor now. Or locked in there room, shits getting ridiculous. So I ask her to pay a this month, side not I asked to pay 150$. Nice guy? Right. A month ahead. She didn’t believe she needed and asked why. I told her that basically already has. And she was lucky I didn’t put the beginning and after months together. So if she doesn’t pay me tomorrow and gives me shit about rent. Theres the door. I don’t want to loose my friend over this action but I’m not going not want to be in my own home.

    Reply
  28. Tommy Boy

    I’ve Been Living with this exact problem for three months now. My roommate has decided to move in his annoying girl friend whom i do not like in the least. they have been staying in the room every night together and are in the room a majority of the day as well even though his girl friend has a town house and no roommate. they like to do such activities as dry hump with me in the room. i have brought the issue to his attention several times however i get bs excuses such as her bed is too hard or she doesnt have a tv. some of these people just do not get the message until somebody snaps. the RA is the next to hear about it because i am at the end of my rope.

    Reply
  29. Cliff

    im currently living with my best friend from high school. we had went to separate colleges so only saw each other every other month so one month he comes back and says he is taking over his parent apartment and i should move in, im like hell yeah roomin with my best-friend would be awesome. but as satan jumped in he brought a gf into the mix. he decides to move his gf of 3 months in too. who is loud, inconsiderate and disrespectful to no end. weve been here for five months now and ive endured god knows how many moments on annoyance where she didnt wash her dishes, speaks on the phone on loud speaker daily, hogged the internet to watch cartoons, rants and raves about guy smells in a house full of guys. it all came to a halt today when i asked her to remove her laundry from the washer and she acted like child and responded that sounds like a you problem. we had had this issue before so i was even more pissed at her response. i began explaining to her how that was unfare to which she screamed and picked up a frying pan and swung at me. i put her in a head lock till i removed the frying pan from her, then she called my best friend and he took her side saying its normal for people to just leave there luandry around and that i should just use the tub when she was blocking the washer i thought to gut them both but i calmed down and am now looking for a new place and new friends.

    Reply
  30. Lourdesita22

    I am mostly directing my comment to the Long winded and Ever defending person calling himself ANNOYED.People just don’t understand that you could be the nicest person in the world. The other person did not sign up to essentially live with you. You have got to go . You finding somewhere to hang till your girlfriend is home is not good enough – find somewhere else to crash -period. It’s not fair to have another person in the space -no time at all , staying over is a no no. Take you and your cooking some place out of the space . She did not sign up to live with you.Point Blank

    Reply
  31. Meredith

    Yes! This is exactly what I’m going through–my roommate is unwilling to change his ways, and I’m getting so fed up that I’m basically paying for a freeloader. The other thing is that they are so in love and attached that it’s sickening.

    I really want to ask both of them to get the f&&k out at this point and I’ll find another friend to live with, because I’m not moving out just because he fell in love too goddamn fast.

    He’s really messing up my experience in what would have been an awesome apartment…

    Reply
  32. Applehat

    First off let me just say-FOR THE LIFE OF ME….I do not understand how 2 people literally can be with each other LITERALLY 24 hours a day. what happened to me time?

    I lived in a place with 4 rooms and 4 girls. I had to go through the “boyfriend from hell” not once, not twice, but three fucking times.

    1 roommate number one had a boyfriend who refused to shower and played and BROKE our xbox360, rock band equipment,and our wii. And was always trying to hit on us when she wasn’t there.
    -What killed me about this, was they had a room yet they still saw fit to suck face, smoke, and have sex in our common room.

    we kicked her out only to get another love sick jackass of girl

    2 roommate number two was needy and sickly, if she wasn’t actually sick she would certainly be faking it for the attention. which made her 9000lbs boyfriend do everything for her, even bathe her, how do I know? because they never closed their door and they happily had sex out in the open and walked around naked.

    we kicked her out to get our current queen of shitty bf

    3 roommate number three literally has a man that never leaves her side. she takes online classes and has her grocceies delievered to her so she stays in 6 out of 7 days of the week, thus he says 6/7

    its to the point now where he calls us his family, and our place HIS home @____@ and we constantly keep telling her to have him leave(he lives in our complex a floor above!) and she keeps insisting his not being here for 1 day out of the week breaks her heart too damn much.

    So do what I do when your roomie’s bf/gf is overstaying their welcome. be blunt and let them know that they will have to pay some rent if they’re gonna be there that much and if you need to, break them up

    Reply
  33. Annoyed

    I once lived with a friend whose gf stayed for days on end in the apartment and was in effect an non-paying tenant, which was a nightmare and ended up in a serious row and lost frienship. So I am acutely aware of the problems which a free-loading bf or gf can cause of they over stay their welcome.

    But I also have a view from the opposite side of the issue.

    My girlfriend lives in a duplex apartment with another girl who is also the landlady. I live in another town 4 hours drive away, and usually visit once a week for one or two nights, sometimes on the weekend and sometimes during the week.

    I am self-employed while my gf works in an office, so if I stay over during the week or on Saturday’s when she is working I usually bring my laptop so I can get some work done myself while she is out during the day. When she comes home, we cook dinner, get a dvd, go out or whatever, often with the landlady.

    Recently, the landlady told my gf that I have to vacate the house if my gf isn’t there, as she said she “doesn’t feel comfortable” with me being there on my own. Now, prior to this I have only ever met this girl when with my gf. We have had numerous conversations and evening together and I thought we all got on fine, as did my gf, and my gf and her are good friends. She has never been in a position with me, that I can think of, to have made her feel ill at ease. We have never had any disagreements, never any conflict over food or washing up etc. I bring my own food, or buy groceries for the house, every time I stay. I never eat food that doesn’t belong to me or my gf. I use my gf’s en-suite bathroom. I cook for both of them regularly – at the landlady’s request, I add – as I’m a decent chef and the landlady has said that likes my style of cooking. I’m tidy and live out of a small backpack when I stay.

    I perfectly understand that this is her house, that she has every right to set whatever rules she wishes, and that I am a guest. But her demand means that I either wander around the town for the 9 hours that my gf is at work (which means that I get none of my own work done), or I don’t visit for more than a single evening / night.

    After her initially telling my gf that I could stay whenever I want, I take this as a bit of an insult – not just the realisation that she doesn’t trust me, but we get on well enough that I would have expected her to have the courtesy to say something to my face. I feel it also shows a lack of trust in my gf’s judgement. My gf is also confused. And now it means I unfortunately don’t get to see my gf as much, unless I decide to take days off work to wander about for 9 hours till my gf comes home, or spend 8 hours on the road to go back and forth between my place and hers, which is just not realistic.

    I think the solution is always communication – address these issues up front before they become problems. I guess for my part it is partly my own fault for not raising the issue myself with my gf’s landlady earlier – explaining that I would like to stay dring the day just one or two days a week and why, and seeing if she was cool with it, and if not then whether there could be a compromise. Likewise, if you find that your flatmate’s partner is constantly living in your face, you need to speak up; discuss the issue(s) in a rational and adult manner – explain what the problem is, look for middle ground if there is any, and if not then by all means put your foot down and say “enough is enough”. You shouldn’t lose a friend if you ask them to work with you on solving the problem, but if you do then maybe they’re not the friend you thought they were.

    Reply
  34. Derek

    I see that this is a very common problem as I am myself stuck in this situation.

    My roommate is my best friend (and consequently the landlord as well) of the house I’m currently living in. He’s recently been very serious with this girl over the past 3 months. She’s over here nearly everyday and I’ve come home to basically seeing her always snuggled up on the couch in the living room with my best friend.

    I want to be happy for him, I really do..but there’s a part of me that doesn’t. Is that wrong? I don’t think there’s a simple answer to that question. However, back to my story.

    One of the worst parts about this situation is that my roommate understands how I feel and can relate. However, he told me that he can’t help but to feel strongly towards this girl and yet refuses to accept that our friendship has changed. He still feels like me and him should be best friends despite the fact he spends all his free time with her.

    Before she entered his life me and him used to watch sports and shows in the living room all the time. Now, I’m lucky if I can get in 2 or 3 words. I’ve tried just letting things go but I hear them constantly “going at it” upstairs in his room at all times of the night. I started to feel jealous, for natural reasons.

    So combined with her taking up space in a house that I rent in, I have to deal with all these emotions on top of essentially losing a very good friend.

    I’ve known him for over 10 years, he’s a great person and I don’t want to see this friendship slip away. However, how can you talk with to your roommate about his girlfriend problem if he’s always with her?

    Just thought I’d like to share. Had to say something just to get it out.

    Reply
  35. Charle

    My story is very much the same. I am room mates with my brother’s best friend from high school. Well, we used to have another room mate(who was a girl) that actually paid rent and helped out sometimes with the house. After she graduated and moved out, we get another room mate, another kid that graduated with my brother(brother’s in a different state by the way) Things go well for a while because he’s a nice guy, but then he brings his girlfriend into the mix. At first, it’s very subtle, she stops by every now and then. Now it’s become very frequent. She’s over every other day. The nicest thing to at least get on my good side would be to acknowledge my existence as a room mate that is paying his rent, but nope. She’s a complete free loader that is only staying here thanks to banging my room mate( the loud noises over the vents are proof enough they’re doing dirt) When I get home, I have to imagine the idea of someone already being their, taking my own parking space which I should have rights to in the first place. And then I have to share the bathroom with 2 people, instead of one person. Now she sleeps over every other night. We had a huge snowstorm, and my room mate(either madly in love or completely moronic) braved the harsh conditions just to go pick his girl up…..
    So I fell for everyone that is put into this situation. I think what it will boil down to is I’ll tell the landowner at the end of my lease that I liked the place, but if I’m paying rent for an extra room mate, I’d rather take my chances in the smelly, freshman populated dorms any day of the week…

    Reply
  36. Chev

    Im glad Im not the only one, I have a unique situation. My roomate started dating the neighbor on the otherside of our duplex. First off let me say that the only reason they are together is because I had the balls to go over and initiate contact with our neighbors. Well now they are in “love” and she is over twenty four seven. Even when he leaves for work she stays until her lazy ass gets out of bed. She showers and watches TV at our house! Even though her house is fucking 10 feet away. Thats the part that really gripes me. I had a partial understanding because Ive been in a situation where my girlfriend stayed over a lot. He was not my roomate at this time, but I let her sleep in occasionallly so she didnt have to DRIVE home right away. This bitch is literally 10 feet away! I mean come on. This really pisses me off, life was so much better when he wasnt pussy whipped by his girlfriend.

    My other roomate has a GF but she is never over and is really good about not overstaying her welcome. Uggh and to top it off is I got this guy a job and am is manager at work. Its my family business and If I confront him it will make thinks akward at work. Well I moving out in a couple months thank god.

    Reply
  37. Sean

    I have the same problem with my roomates girlfriend. I never thought I would actually hate someone as much as I do her. She is around 23 and still lives with her parents. So our place has turned into their “sanctuary” for her. I actually had a talk with him about it and thought things would actually change. I can see now that he is so goddamn whipped that he didn’t have the balls to reiterate to her what we talked about.

    So now I decided to go the passive-aggressive route and to email him a link to this page and hopefully he gets the point. If not, I told him that the clock is ticking before I just tell her myself and make it super awkward. Well….for her and him, I am past the point of giving a fuck.

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  38. Jrock

    I have never hated anyone as much a my roomates girlfriend!! The worst part is that my roomate is also family!!!

    I moved to my new apartment in May with my cousin! thought things would be cool! its hard enough living in a small space in manhattan, let alone living with family. But im easy to adjust and live with! My cousin has only been dating this girl 2 months prior to our move in date! he gave her a key the second day!!! Asshole! this girl is so gross! She never cleans up after her self! sleeps over 6 night out of the week! takes to long in the shower, and is not considerate of my time! she doesnt work and is only in school 1 day a week! She is 23 and a waste! i hate her! She always hangs out on my coach half naked!!! and laughs like a wild animal! she is so loud and slams the door all the time!!! i hate her! its starting to effect my relationship with my cousin!!!! i hate her!! i hate her!! i hate her so much!!!!

    wow that felt good!!!!

    Reply
  39. MrMe

    I understand completely, my roommate started dating this barely legal girl who not only runs the house like her personal vacation paradise, but manages not to pay any rent, because he’s an asshole and apparently not really my friend at all, shithead. She pays not rent, not a dime.

    ABC, your roomate is just like mine. Shit dude I’m sorry, I’m gonna take a vacation myself probably with family…. and a permanent one away from these nutcases. Emotionally needy men with pariah girlfriends, a bad combination.

    Her name is Jessica or whatever the fuck.. and she is from Hell.

    Reply
  40. abc

    I have an emotionally needy roommate (a guy!) and his neediness and selfishness have pushed me to the point of “fuck you.” He has no respect for me as a roommate. All he cares about is feeding his emotional needs by doing things like getting a dog (a huge dog!) without telling me, having different girls over all of the time, and now that he’s finally dating one girl (who doesn’t trust him ’cause she knows that he has cheated on her) he gave her the key to our apartment, not only without talking to me about it, he did it after I TOLD HIM THAT I WAS NOT OK WITH IT! You see, these emotionally needy people are not deserving of the attention they supposedly “need.” They are quite often self-centered and then when they do things (as my pathetic roommate has done!) that are completely disrespectful to others around them, in an attempt to feed their “needs,” they have the audacity to victimize themselves as though they have done nothing at all. And that’s when they deserve a great, big “FUCK YOU.”

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  41. angryman

    I have been dealing with this for 2 years. The most irritating part is that my roommate had the opportunity to move in with his girlfriend on 2 occasions. At 26 years old, I assumed he would move in with her, so I did not take the initiative to move out. Big mistake. That locked me in for another year of hell. It’s like having a seriously annoying needy girlfriend, but you don’t get to pound her for it. I am finally getting out in month.

    I disagree that confrontation is the appropriate choice here, especially if you are friends with the roommate. Just hold your tongue, and get out of the situation as soon as possible. Then he and Needy will think you are a nice guy and you can always remember that he is a whipped, inconsiderate, selfish douche bag with an irritating wife. Confrontation will only make the 2 of them think you are the ass.

    Reply
  42. Tavis Xavier

    I am in the same boat as most of you all. The funny part is that I have been living on my own for 15 years and I have experienced this phenomenon three times.

    First I will tell my latest story.

    Moved away to go back to college to acquire a new career path. My best friend was broken up about it and kept bugging me to move back because I was his coolest friend blah blah blah.

    I didn't like my program so I dropped out and moved back and who do you think I picked up as a roomy? Yeah the same guy. This guy is really chill but the very day I got back into town he brings his g/f over.

    I didn't even know he had a g/f and I know he gets a little strange when it comes to girls. Anyhow so she spent the night and has not left for the last 18days. She has officially slept here more than I have. So yeah, the guy is totally pistol whipped and spend his entire time with her. He wanted me to invite a bunch of our mutual friends over for St Patty's Day. I invited about 20 people over and he spent the entire time in his room because his g/f didn't want to socialize with us.

    He leaves for work and she stays here and watches tv and plays x360. She blares her music at 6am and the blender at 7am. She doesn't go to school nor does she have a job.

    I did the natural thing and waited for everything to be corrected on its own but it has been 18days so I have begun to be a little more proactive about the entire situation and started to text message my roomy about her (because one cannot talk to him because she is with him 24/7)

    She has her own place but chooses to hang here to avoid her roomies. Ohh the irony.

    The fact of the matter is this people, there is no sense living in misery. You have the right to feel comfortable and safe in your own dwelling. Take the offensive early and let the roomy know that his kind of behaviour is not acceptable.

    If you let sleeping dogs lye, then they get the idea that you are cool with what's going on. Remember that we all do stupid crap when we are in love and most of the time we are so pistol whipped and blind that we cannot see.

    Best case scenario, he changes his ways

    Worst case scenario you or him moves out ……and you can be free.

    Keep your stick on the ice.

    Reply